Whelp… I’ve determined what it is about my roommate that truly gets on my nerves. It isn’t his constant top-of-his-lungs singing. It isn’t his use of my computer. It isn’t the disagreements we’ve had over the light being on/off, where the bunk bed is placed, or whether the blinds should be open or closed at night.

The true source of my frustration is our discussions. We’ve had several heated debates so far this semester — he blames the “heated” part on me, and maybe he’s right (I get kind of combative) — and I really don’t enjoy them. Don’t get me wrong: I enjoy a good debate, and I love a peaceful discussion, but these have been neither. They begin with a simple conversation, usually about a subject I’m emotionally invested in, such as the woman I’m dating and my potential relationship with her. He then asks me a question, usually regarding a philosophy or ethic dealing with the subject of the current conversation.

I answer the question, he disagrees, and we’re off. Here’s what frustrates me about these “discussions”:

• he contradicts himself,
• he brings up examples and makes statements which have nothing to do with what we’re talking about, and
• in the end his opinion has been the same as mine all along.

The third point really gets my goat. You mean I’ve spent the last half hour (or longer) rationalizing, coming up with examples, explaining myself, pointing out flaws in his logic, and getting *steamed* for nothing?!

I do understand that I have some character flaws which contribute most of the frustration. Among them:

• A short fuse in disagreements.
• A prideful desire to not only be right, but to prove it to everyone else.
• A wrong expectation that everyone will/should communicate and think as I do.

Wow. Now that I see that list… maybe it’s entirely my fault that I get frustrated. But… he can definitely fuel my frustrations. That’s for sure.

However, as it turns out, the very things that he does in our discussions that fuel my frustration are due to the fact that English isn’t his first language. He says things that mean a certain thing to me while meaning something else, expecting me to understand the unspoken intention of the words. Some examples:

• When I state something, and he says, “No,” then makes his own statement.
  • Translation: apparently, to him this is how you agree with someone and make an additional statement.
  • This is where the “disagreement” begins… although I now know that he never disagreed with me at all!
• When I state something after we’ve been in the “disagreement” for a while, and he says, “That’s my point!” even though he’s never said anything like what I just said anywhere in the course of the discussion.
  • Translation: what he meant was, “that supports my point” or “I agree with that point.”
  • This gets to me because he makes it appear that this was what he meant all along, although he never said anything about it.

Well, if I’m going to be honest with myself, I have a few conclusions that I need to make:

• I am the source of my own frustration.
• I need to invest less in being right and humble myself.
• I need to be more patient.
• I need to understand the communication skills of others.
• I need to take a deep breath and calm down.
• I need to ask more questions and make fewer assumptions.

Lord, please help me to relate better with my roommate. Help me to be patient and humble when communicating with others. Help me to be more understanding… develop your wisdom in me.